Stranded for now...

My 1st pregnancy and I learn that I need to take sometime before I can shift my mental frame the moment I fixed my mind on something. 1st encounter: I couldn't believe I was pregnant because I had 1-2 years of couple time planned in mind with some travel destinations in mind. So it was with total shock when I discovered my positive pee results when I returned from honeymoon. But hubby ensured that we'll be OK with this journey of parenthood. And as I started having the baby, I started accepting it. 2nd encounter: As weeks went by I started getting excited though I still find the whole thing about being a mum-to-be a surreal experience! I can't help feeling 'WOW' all this time as baby grew inside me. Then the 2nd shock came when all along I thought, with our vegetarian diet, our chances of getting a baby girl outweighs that of a boy. But the scan at 3 months was a total shock for me (again) as doctor announced that it was a boy as she saw something in between baby's legs. So for 3 months, I've been talking to baby thinking he was a girl!!! Sorry sonny! 3rd experience: I'm textbook person by nature. Having gone for Hypnobirthing classes, I had envisioned my birth to be a perfect one - without drugs, water birth and all smooth-sailing without complications as baby arrived in this world end August/early September. With that in mind, we boldly made an appointment and met our new ob/gyn in mind at 33 weeks. I envisioned the visit to the doctor’s one that is filled with news like baby is turned head down, ready to greet the world and all stars are aligned for the water birth to happen. But things didn’t really quite fall into place like I had imagined. Firstly baby is breeched (still?!) with his head perfectly up, left leg up and right foot down, like doing a standing split. Dear baby, I didn’t know you could be a gymnast in there! Time to put my learning in Hypnobirthing class to use. An instant resolution to do my polar bears and practise my visualization and breathing techniques diligently from now on. But it wasn’t so much of baby that made me lost after seeing new ob/gyn. It was the high delivery charges of Dr Lai FM that left me beyond what I’d expected. Hubby was very nice to reassure me a few times that cost should not be a concern. But still…I can’t help thinking about it. So, in taking my power nap after doctor’s visit, I was exploring the options in my mind. Couldn’t help feeling frustrated with myself somehow for not doing some of the things which I SHOULD HAVE done. Mulled over my ‘should-have-done list’ for awhile and I decided to proactively manage my options the moment I was fresh from my power nap. Anyway, I was pretty surprise how fast I recovered from my shock this time and quickly thought about what I could do. Did what I should have a month and a half ago when we were exploring changing our ob/gyn when we wanted to realise the water birth dream: 1) Called NUH to enquire about the doctors who do water births and their delivery charges. Found a Dr Chong Yap Seng (yay!!) who is easily 3K cheaper than Dr Lai FM. But the only unfortunate thing is Dr Yap is away for now and the earliest appoint is 31st July (!!!). By then I’d be 36 weeks and hopefully baby is still happy being inside til he’s at least 40 weeks. Meanwhile, I just grab the slot to see him while I plan for alternatives. 2) Called Dr Paul Tseng’s clinic to enquire about his water birth delivery charges and to fix an appointment but too bad his clinic had already close for today. Sent an email to enquire what I wanted. Keeping my fingers crossed that it is replied…. But still, I guess I’ve got to be prepared for things not going as planned in my ideal conception of birth. I could bank on the hope that I’d be able to switch to the other 2 water birth doctors praying that I get to see them on time, but weighing the situation now, it’s down to the questions of: 1) To still keep hoping for a water birth with Dr Lai FM, despite the huge budget or if I can get the appointment to see Dr Yap or Dr Paul 2) To go with Dr Heng and just have a hypnobirth but have a doula instead? (will need to talk to her to find out how open she is to this idea when I see her tomorrow) – The only question is if she’s not supportive of the idea, where do I move from here, with just a hypnobirth and a doula???? If I really stick to Dr Heng, I just can’t help but fear the spiral effect of induction, and eventually resorting to epidurals and even a C-section. (shudders…) I’m feeling loads better with my proactiveness and alternatives in mind, but I still can’t help but feel STRANDED…………………………………………………………………